Holidays?

It is the start of the holiday season. Whilst we have a few public holidays here in the UK, it is between the last May and the 1st August bank holidays that people seem to start taking their holidays. I have met a lot of people recently who are taking the time out or have just come back.

They talk about being able to think in peace, spend time with their families, switch off, the list continues…… I appreciate that work needs to be done and tasks need to be completed, but I continually worry that so many people don’t switch off or think on a daily basis.

I learned a couple of years ago that every day I need to sit and think about what I want to achieve in a day. How I feel about the day ahead and what I feel about the day before. Some may call this mediation. It is not about looking at my task list or trying to get as much done as possible. This is about removing the mundane and regimented view and looking at life more broadly.

It has helped me gain perspective and I certainly am able to focus and prioritise much better. It has made me look at some of the things I don’t need to do or do less of. Reflection should be part of your normal routine. Waiting for a couple of weeks every year whilst laying on a beach or climbing a mountain seems to be too much for a trade-off.  I am not sure you want to waste your valuable holiday time having to decompress so slowly.

Ghilaine

@LadyGhilaine

Meeting old and making new friends

This week has been great! I have met with some great friends I have known for a while and because of them have made some great new ones.

I met with someone for tea this week, after it she was meeting someone face to face that she only knew through video chats previously. She generously allowed me to hang around and it was one of the best chats I have had in such a long time! Added to that, I have made a new friend.

The following day, I caught up with someone who was introduced to me by a friend and after chatting with him for a while, I said, I know someone you should meet. It turned out, he already knew my other friend and had, since they were at school together. Small world indeed as well as the visible shared values that forms a thread through all of these encounters.

As well as making new friends through introductions, which, I may say, is the best way. I managed to make a new friend on a train. I don’t normally talk to strangers, but a conversation started after my fellow passenger asked me how I was getting on with my new device. I started telling him the benefits as I saw them. He then talked about his device and why he liked it. Before long we were chatting away, putting the world to rights. It was a great conversation that, joyfully, did not revolve around the jobs we did. Hurrah!

He commented that we had had a great conversation about mutually interesting subjects, for all he knew I could be a BNP supporter. If he found that out, he said, he still had an enjoyable conversation.

The making of friends, old or new seems to come easily to primary school age children, but they seem to lose this skill as they get older. Is it because we tell them not to talk to strangers, is it because we train them not to get to excited by the new, unlike their early years, where everything is just that?

Making new friends should not be scary, when you have things in common, it doesn’t mean you should have everything in common.  Just remember that friendships can start over the most tenuous of circumstances or connections. They continue because it is good to be challenged and some people are just lovely!

@LadyGhilaine

Cost of Learning

It is hard to learn something new, it is difficult and messy and you will make mistakes. You won’t do it the way it should be done. You can’t do it as well as someone else. Why bother? There is always the internet. I am sure that I can get someone else to do it if I ever need to. How am I going to learn it? It is hard. I have to study for ages. What will it get me? What will I really have to show for it when I am done?

The person who knows how to do it, doesn’t want to share their skills, they want to keep that all for themselves. They don’t like me asking questions and interrupting. The person teaching just talks at me, they don’t show me. I need to see the good way, the bad  and the ugly way. I need to be able to make suggestions or query why it is done in a certain way. Just because it has always been done that way, does it mean it has to continue to be done that way?

I have thoughts, I have ideas, the reason I want to learn is because I think I will be good at it; It will be an invaluable skill to have; It looks like fun; I haven’t tried it before, I think I should at least see what it is about before deciding if I am good at it or not, 10,000 hours and all that.

What will I be able to achieve or do when I am done?

Ghilaine

Cost of Teaching

You have a lot to do, and no time to do it. You don’t have time to train someone up to do it the way you like it. They won’t do it your way, they won’t do it the right way, they will make mistakes. How can they know what needs to be done? They ask questions, they interrupt my important work. They distract me and I can’t get my thoughts back for a long time. It will take too long to show someone how it works

I may as well do it myself. I can do it quicker, I can get it done. I will have to prioritise all the work I have, but at least it will be done how I like it, how I want it. It will be done ‘right’.

How will you fit in everything that needs to get done?  What happens if you need help? What happens once you stop doing what you do? Someone will have to do it without all that shared expertise. They will have to learn with their own mistakes. They will have to hunt around for the best way to do it. It will take a lot longer. Once they have learned from their own mistakes, have they found a new or better way or are they just doing it in the safest, easiest or ‘quickest’ way?

If you are the only person who can do it, what happens when you are not there?

Ghilaine

@LadyGhilaine

Value of Learning

We assign a value to learning by ensuring that everyone has the right to an education. In places where education is not freely given, they value it even more, they have to pay for it.

We expect that children will spend their years learning. In the UK, they will spend a large part of their day at school. This goes on for many years. Many children are caught in the talent trap rather than realising that it is just hard work that counts. Carol Dweck talks about this in her book Mindset, “People with a fixed mindset believe that their traits are just givens. They have a certain amount of brains and talent and nothing can change that.”

“People with a growth mindset, on the other hand, see their qualities as things that can be developed through their dedication and effort.”

The great thing about learning is that you can do it anytime, anyplace, anywhere. If you open your eyes and ears, walk with your head up and looking out. You can ask questions. With the benefit of libraries and now the internet, there is nothing that you cannot find out about (check your sources!). But after the reading, you need to do. You need to practice, you need to get good. Go and find someone who can help you get better.

The value of learning is that once you start, you don’t need to stop. You can learn about people, things, places, skills. You can investigate, question, practice. You will discover great things about yourself, others, the world. You will realise that you can change and make an impact on others. You can do things you didn’t believe you could do until you just did it!

The Cost of Living

For politicians this is a simple formula of how much it costs to ‘run’ a life. Water, food, shelter, heating, lighting and the ‘essentials’.

Obviously, everyone needs enough money to feed the cat and pay the mortgage, but what is your cost of living? What do you pay to have the life you lead. I know a lot of people who are miserable in highly paid ‘successful’ jobs and many happy people in low paid, low status work. I know lots of people where those roles are reversed and everything in between.

What price are you paying for the life you lead versus the life you want to lead. You may think you don’t have any choices and I understand that life comes with responsibilities. But sometimes you need to look at the cost you are paying to have what you want and need. Do you need that new thingy? Could you go out and see a friend instead, costs less and you have something that you can treasure for a lot longer.

Today I read a great post about what Andy LaCivita wished he knew at 22. I wholeheartedly agree and one that stood out for me today is “Collect memories not things”.

The cost of living should not be about collecting things, it should be about living life on your terms and in the way you want to. Either that or you could become a Danish retired lady, they are supposed to be the happiest. Which way is easiest for you?

Ghilaine

Value of Teaching

You have all these skills and experiences, what will happen when you are not there to use them anymore? How do you free up your time to be able to learn something new yourself?

The great value of teaching is that by teaching someone you learn too. You can help people on a journey that you yourself have taken. You can help them avoid the pitfalls and mistakes that you yourself made. This will make their journey quicker.

They will ask you why you do what you do, which in itself may improve and speed up the journey even more. Yes it takes time, but anything worth doing, does.

The value of teaching is that you can create something better than went before. Combined minds, discussion, reflecting, this all goes into studying what you do and passing it on. In the relay race of life, pass the baton, share your experience and knowledge. By doing so, it doesn’t make your knowledge weaker, it makes everyone else stronger.

The value of teaching is innovation, independence and self-reliance (not an exclusive or exhaustive list!)

Ghilaine

@LadyGhilaine

Be the best you

I was chatting to someone else last night and he asked what drives me, I told him that it is me being the best I can be at what I do. If you choose to phone it in, you may as well not bother.

This doesn’t mean that if you are not good at something, you shouldn’t try, but if you are not going to put the effort in, perhaps the task is not for you. I read an interesting piece about trying to educate children to have better character and it debated whether this is something that you can be encouraged to learn. What piqued my interest was the thought about being able to change or control anyone. The only person we have control over is ourselves and even then, we don’t always do the best things for us so why would we think anyone else would either.

We may not be able to change our personality traits, but we can change our habits. Pick something you want to be better at and every day make a step towards getting better at it. Creating better habits are what changes our behaviour over the long term.

Ghilaine

@LadyGhilaine

Truth

Truth is like a lion, you don’t need to defend it. Release it and it will defend itself.
(From Madam Secretary, US TV program).

This struck a chord with me today.

This perhaps only works when it is not a subjective truth. Often what we remember is the opinion we have. That is our truth, maybe not everyone’s. Always be careful about that.

Having the lion defend itself seems like a good rule of thumb.

Ghilaine

@LadyGhilaine

Close your eyes